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Archive for October, 2011

Hi there.  Remember me?  I used to occasionally ramble about these pages, boring you with my depressive mutterings.  Yeah, it’s been a while.  Life got a little too interesting and I just went and hid under the bed, metaphorically speaking.  Took me a bit to crawl out.  Not very conducive to a writing career, that whole not-writing thing.  But sometimes you just have to wallow in it until you figure out that what you really need is a good shower and a shot of bourbon and to just get over it.

Just to bring us all up to speed, I’m still not working in a “conventional” sense, though my husband and I have started a small business catering to our historical re-enactment group that’s been showing some promise.  The hubby is blacksmithing while I’m doing needlework and weaving.  That’s given me a good bit of pleasure, figuring out new patterns and seeing them come alive and then watching them walk away with a happy someone.

Stitching for Viking apron.

And it’s given us a small (very!) amount of money to help supplement the household.  Not as healthy for the bank account as desired, but certainly a lot more fun than typing up disciplinary memos.

After sending out hundreds of resumes and/or applications and only landing about a half-dozen interviews, with all thanks-but-no-thanks responses (used to be if I could get an interview, I got the job – but that doesn’t happen anymore…) I’ve pretty much given up on the idea of going back to an office environment.  Didn’t think that I’d have a problem with that, but being told you’re not wanted anymore is different from deciding that you don’t want to anymore.  Yeah, let’s just add more fuel to the depression.

And I hit a milestone this year: the half-century mark.  Yep, I turned 50 a few weeks ago.  At least, that’s what my driver’s license says.  My mom says I’m only 41 since she’s only 59 and she wouldn’t lie to me, would she?  I know, probably not something I should brag about, given today’s youth-oriented market for just about anything (writing included), but dammit, I earned those years.  When I was a kid 50 seemed like some unheard of ancient age that no one ever really reached, but now that I’m here, I wonder what all the fuss is about.  I don’t feel like 50 and I’ve had people tell me that I don’t look like 50, which just makes me wonder what the hell does 50 look like anyway?

I also stopped coloring my hair.  Partly because I just couldn’t afford the salon bill anymore, but also because I was just done pretending to be something I wasn’t.  Let’s just age gracefully, shall we?  It helps that I seem to have a lovely shade of silver coming in, instead of dull grey, with a bit of a wave to the hair it didn’t used to have.  All those years of perms and color and here I am just letting Mother Nature do Her thing to get the same result for free.  Lessons learned.

And while I haven’t been writing here, I have been writing.  Some.  Not nearly enough and I’m ashamed that I’ve been wasting the opportunity given me with this time on my own.  I’m determined not to piddle anymore of it away.  I finished my novel earlier this year, and then choked for months on the query letter to an agent I’d like to have represent me.  That’s on my hit list to get completed this week, come hell or high water.  I’m tired of being afraid it won’t be perfect.  Nothing is perfect.  And nothing gets me nowhere, so I might as well get over my OCD issues and just throw it out there.

I finished a short story and just submitted it to the third magazine for possible publication (two rejections already – I took them better than I thought I would).  I also have two other short stories in process, and have been mulling over possible story lines for a sequel to my novel.  My initial plan was to go back to a trilogy I started years and years ago, but I got side tracked.  There are a couple of characters that have been running around my head for the last few months, demanding attention.  They started out as part of a fan-fic mental exercise I gave myself, trying to envision how a favorite sci-fi show could be rebooted ten years after the fact using these new characters as catalyst.  Then they just kind of took over and dragged me into a world wholly their own.  Sometimes you just don’t have a choice in these matters.  I’ve already jotted down several scenes and they haven’t shut up, so I guess it’s on to a full draft now.

So, there you go.  Not exactly all the details, but enough to let you know I’m still around and still trying to plug through this.  Okay, maybe I’m not as exciting as the Republican debates on Fox News or as cute as the kittehs on icanhascheezburger.com.  But neither are you.  And that’s why we’re here, commiserating and swearing and beating our heads against the table, so we can make our own way in this crazy world.

© 2011  Cheri K. Endsley.  All Rights Reserved.

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